Doves by Racheline Maltese Erin McRae

Author:Racheline Maltese Erin McRae
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, hollywood, actors, movies, tv, mm romance, contemporary fiction, film, lgbtq, literature fiction
Publisher: Torquere Press

***

Going forward is complicated, and both harder and easier than either of them expect. Neither of their jobs get less demanding as the summer continues to drag on, and Paul still keeps exhausting hours. The fact that they're not making those hours the central item in the mess that is their relationship helps, however, as it means they're not instantly at silent war the second they are both in the house at the same time.

Sleeping apart continues to be hard, too, even if it's less fraught now that it's part of their attempt at finding a solution and not just the problem itself. On Paul's birthday, in early August, it feels cruel to just text him happy wishes in the morning and not go out together or welcome Paul home that evening with at least a celebratory blowjob.

Even aside from the sex, Alex misses the easy connection of skin on skin in a shared bed. Some days he wonders how much of a solution this can really be.

Alex has a conversation with Margaret. It's a unique kind of terrible to sit down with her and talk about the pictures from LAX and explain why they actually happened. He tells her to come up with a plan to deal with a breakup that he hopes they'll never need and to tell him about it once she's got it figured out. There are days he needs all the reasons he can get to stay with Paul, even if some of them are convenience.

He starts therapy, but only to passive-aggressively goad Paul into the same. When that doesn't work, they have their first shouting match since his return from the East Coast. They're both a little surprised when somehow they get through it without it being the end.

Margaret and Vanessa help Alex to keep looking at his options beyond Fourth. He isn't sure if the projects that would keep him away for months are the best option, given the good his trip did them, or the worst.

It's definitely hard to talk to Paul about them when Alex isn't even sure they're going to still be together by the time any of these projects start. What's worse is that he knows that taking one of them could very well be the thing that splits them up for sure.

When he goes up to Paul's office one night and taps on the wall at the top of the stairs, Paul looks annoyed when he first glances up. Then annoyance turns to fear, in which Alex takes the smallest amount of vindication.

"Can we talk?" Alex asks.

"This doesn't sound good," Paul says.

Alex aches at how serious Paul sounds. "It's okay," Alex says. "At least, I don't think it's bad. Not unless you want it to be. But it's important. Can we?" He tips his head away from the room.

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